Although You Will Never Read This
I write when I feel sad or mad and.. I haven't wrote in so long. I was doing so well until someone mentioned your name. I was happy and I didn't feel alone. I was independent and back to my original, optimistic self. Maybe I even fell for someone else. I guess it's because I'm good at hiding my emotions, distracting myself from them.
But still, sometimes throughout the day, I think of random memories we had. Like the time I painted your nails and the time you failed at laser tag. New Year's Eve and Christmas Eve were fun too. I guess they don't really matter too much now.
Just seeing your name makes my heart beat rapidly, and not in a romantic and cute way. I feel suffocated, unable to breathe and... it makes me want to punch something. Is this what hate feels like?
I'm a hypocrite, having hate when I clearly denounced it. I can't control my mind. Ah.. someone make the beating stop. It's too fast. It's controlling my body.
Okay, I'm sober now. Writing down things really helps calm me.
Sorry for bringing up this issue again. I know you're happy now with someone else, and I respect that. I think that I am much more happy alone. I haven't cried in so long!
But, you still hurt me and somewhere deep down, you were hurt too (I think..?). Maybe ignoring each other is only a temporary relief and in a few years, we can return to being good friends again. But for now, I think ignoring all signs of you is best for both of us. Forget everything about me and all our memories, and I will too. Let's be happy.
If it was fate that brought us together, then let's let fate finish its story, good or bad.